The other day I happened to be in the car by myself for a short drive with the radio on. This was a luxury for many reasons, most immediately was the silence that it offered me. Anyway, I got in the car, turned on All Things Considered just as they were introducing my friend, Molly. As she started talking salad I started shouting into the radio, "MOLLY! MOLLY, IT'S ME!! I'M IN THE CAR BY MYSELF! I CAN HEAR YOU!! MOLLY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT!!"
This is telling on several fronts, most glaringly that I seem to have forgotten how to behave when I am by myself. Also, the radio is not a walkie talkie.
I am here! So is this baby. She is the same sleepy baby who has become quite needy and wakeful in her old age. She hates being in the car. We press on.
***
I've been thinking so much about your comments from the last month-- thank you for putting yourselves out there. Thank you for talking about this stuff with your children. Thank you for not settling with the line of but it's so much better than it used to be and instead striving for how it really should be.
We all notice colour. I'm frequently frustrated by the notion that we shouldn't talk about it, especially with our children, because maybe they won't notice and why would we want to burden them with this world as an imperfect place? You know what? Kids are going to reach their own conclusions about the worth of themselves and others with or without the guidance of adults. I know that I struggle with knowing how to preserve innocence while still preparing my boys to be kind, compassionate, AWARE, little people. If a three year old is having an intense discussion about whether or not that chicken on TV is a "real muppet" or "just a puppet", you better believe that same three year old realizes that people look different from each other. It's my job to help him learn that differences do not equal value. It's a much bigger job than I realized.
***
I've missed out on a bunch of stuff this month and I wanted to make sure I got some of it down:
- Truly is three months and a bit and still fits into clothes designated as such. I never thought I would have a baby that followed monthly sizing! Newborn clothes are finally worth the money paid for them. We drove to Canada. She is a fan.
- Sam turned 8 and we rented a bouncy house again. REALLY, I cannot stress to you what a good decision getting a bouncy house is.
- Sam's front teeth are finally all the way in. They are substantial, as far as front teeth go. He has also formed a band with some classmates. They've named themselves Killer Vomit, and he's been assigned the drums. There has already been some infighting.
- I have horrendous postpartum acne. Really. Someone told me that my skin looked angry with me, and I was not offended because she was totally right. I've been struggling with not feeling like total crap between the extra weight and blotchy skin and nursing struggles... And I know that this is all very temporary and that next year this time (but hopefully much sooner) I'm going to read this like a funny dream I once had.
